O Português é muito confuso! Do you struggle with languages?

Seriously, I think I have a better chance of flying to the moon than having any meaningful conversation in Portuguese. If I manage to find the right words to ask a question, I rarely understand the reply. When people talk to me, my brain empties and my mind goes blank, leaving me staring at them as if I had just arrived from the planet ZOG. The situation is often made worse by Mr Piglet, either propelling me forward with a dig in the ribs and saying, ‘You can speak Portuguese,’ or laughing and telling people, ‘she is fluent after two glasses of wine.‘ Yep, I can also speak fluent Clingon when I am merry.

Over the years, I have spent thousands of euros on private Portuguese lessons. Attended free group lessons and followed various podcasts and lessons online. I’ve slogged over grammar textbooks for hours upon hours. The result? I’ve decided that, while willing, my two brain cells just aren’t wired to language learning. Like, I don’t have a mathematical brain. I am a creative person. But I realise that there is no excuse. To fully integrate into a community, language is essential.

Determined to have one last stab at breaking the code, I joined yet another Portuguese class in our local town. It is only for an hour twice a week, and the teacher is lovely. Although the class is working towards the A1/A2 exam (optional), for once, I have found a teacher who fully understands the challenges of learning the language. She not only devotes time to grammar but also to pronunciation. This week, we spent a fair chunk of the lesson learning to pronounce the sounds

ai, as in pai * ei, as in feio * au, as in mau * éi as in papéis * eu as in meu * éu as in céu * iu as in, riu * oi as in, dois * ói as in, herói and finally * ui as in, azuis

Embarrassed, I bumbled my way through the aural exercises, curling my unwilling tongue around the sounds. Methinks: Maybe learning to speak Clingon would be easier.

On the grammar side, we have spent weeks trying to understand the complexities of when to use the Verbs Ser – to be (permanent) and Estar- to be (temporary). My two brain cells are traumatised. For example:

The wine glass IS broken. Logic told me and EVERYONE else in the class that the wine glass IS permanently broken, so we all used the permanent verb To be – SER.

O copo de vinho é partido

Nope, we use the temporary verb To be – estar.

O copo de vinho está partido

The logic, as I understood it: The glass was not always broken. Doh? ‘No, but it’s permanently broken now,’ we all replied.

I am relieved to say I was not the only one in the class whose brain was well and truly frazzled!

And as for the listening exercises … not a chance. ???No pigleto, remain positive.